What your teen needs you to know

I have raised two teenagers, and I thought I had learned my lesson on how to deal with their behavior. In general, try to stay in the circle of friends so that you can react in time if something dangerous happens. That was enough for the first two, but it turned out not to be enough for my youngest daughter.

Fortunately, I had kept her in my sights, so I could see the symptoms of anxiety at an early stage before it developed into an anxiety disorder. To find out what the symptoms are and how to successfully deal with them, check out my book Dealing with Teen Anxiety.

In this article, I want to highlight what my daughter shared with me after we reconnected.

TEEN VIEW

I couldn’t always express myself when my anxiety was at its worst. These are some things I wish my mum had understood – and your teen will need you to understand too. 

GIVE ME SPACE

Stay out of my room unless I invite you in, and don’t try to pressure or force me to talk. I don’t have any answers right now. When you try to make me come up with some, it only makes me feel worse. I need some alone time right now. 

DON’T YELL AT ME

I’ve got enough swirling around in my head that I can barely hear myself think. When you yell, it just adds to the noise, and I feel like you don’t love me. It makes me feel like I’ve let you down. 

TAKE ME SOMEWHERE QUIET

I know I tell you to leave me alone, but if we went somewhere quiet together, maybe we could go for a walk and stay quiet while I feel the sun on my skin 37 and hear the birds sing in the trees; that would be nice. It would make me feel loved, even if we don’t say a word. 

TRUST ME FOR MAKING MY OWN MISTAKES 

I’m more capable than you think. I hate being dependent on you. Please give me some freedom. Let me earn my own money and decide what I do with it. I can’t learn if you don’t let me try. Let me prove that I can do fine by myself. 

LET ME TALK TO SOMEONE WHO ISN’T YOU

I need another adult, someone who isn’t you, to connect with, someone I can look up to who will listen and understand as I figure out what’s going on. Whether they’re a mentor, counselor, or therapist doesn’t matter. I just need someone who can support me and give me hope when things feel hopeless. 

TELL ME YOU LOVE ME

It might seem like I don’t need to hear those three little words, but they mean the world. Right now, I don’t feel like I can love myself. Knowing you still love me, even when I’m at my worst, helps more than you could ever know.